Scenario #1. So, you've moved to a new place with your mum again, started a new school and you're getting bullied by a gang of Karate experts? Oh man!
80's FILM: That's cool Daniel Larusso! No sweat. Your elderly Japanese neighbour will kick all their asses! And teach you the ancient and deadly art of Karate, just by getting you to clean his house and cars and other crap! You'll get the girl and win a national tournament (after minimal formal training!). Yay!
If the Film Was Made Today: The kids a male model, he's got a six pack and good hair. Girls today couldn't give a flying monkey shit if the lead guys the underdog or whatever. This kid gets intensive training with a MMA champion and works the hell out (he doesn't do karate, but no one will notice or care). He's already buff and tough, but he works out even more cos the other guy is a bit harder and said something nasty about his mum. Music by Black Eyed Peas.
Reality: Kid gets knacked up (beaten). They move again.
Scenario #2 You're in the school basketball team and you suck! But, don't worry you're actually a Werewolf! F'yeah!
80's Film: Keep it a secret right? No way Scott Howard! Just transform during the game and kick the other teams ass! No one will question a werewolf playing basketball. Despite looking like a mini wookie you will get all the girls, get your own tshirts, buy kegs of beer and surf on cars! You're totally rad!
If The Film Was Made Today: You're a little bit awkward and you're a loner, but in a way that's still sexy to the teen girls watching. And you're 'mysterious'. You look like a male model, with a six pack and good hair, even when you transform into a Wolfman! You're a sexy wolf, your eyes go a different colour and you get a bit disheveled. You might get sideburns and some designer stubble, but that's it. You suddenly have confidence, you beat up the jocks and get the girl. You never use your wolfman powers to win at basketball though! Your eternal curse is a secret that no one can ever know...Music by generic emo band.
Reality: You get bricks thrown at your face and people call you a freak!
Scenario #3: You and your misfit gang of friends find a treasure map in the attic!
80's Movie: Adventure time! You all get on your BMXs and go after that treasure, you end up in an 'Indiana Jones' type situation, trying to avoid booby traps with criminals on your tail. A deformed, friendly giant that the fat kid befriended saves the day! Hurray!
If Film Was Made Today: DO NOT EVEN F'ING THINK ABOUT IT!
...okay, all the kids are male models with six packs and good hair. Even the fat one. They're also MMA fighters. Or some such shit...
Reality: Kids sack it off and watch TV.
I <3 80's!
