Monday, 7 November 2011

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Back at primary school, you'd hear this question all the time. Then the usual answers from kids; Firemen (Fire Fighter now, in our politically correct world), Doctors and Nurses, Vets...I'd just sit there daydreaming, thinking to myself, I want to be...

5. A Cyborg

Yeah, so as a kid two of my favourite films were Terminator and Robocop (they still are), they were inappropriate films for my age, but I'd watched them and the idea of being made into a cyborg was cool. Obviously now I can see the implications...pretty sure Robocop didn't get to keep his todger, that wouldn't be fun (poor guy)! And airports would be a nightmare! But, as a kid I would pretend to walk like a robot and talk in a monotone voice, yeah I was awesome.

Alternatively: I also wanted to be 'wolverine', cos he was kinda like a cyborg, but also kinda like a ninja, and also one of the X-Men!

4. A Thundercat

When I was a kid I owned about 3 different Liono's, because my next door neighbour at the time had a bad habit of throwing my toys out of his bedroom window...I'm really not sure why I was friends with that boy. One of them was missing an arm and the other had no legs! So, I had 2 stunt-double Liono's for my full-working Liono. I was a dedicated fan.

Alternatively: I also wanted to be in the 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'

3. A Tyrannosaurus Rex

Right, ok these are getting ridiculous. But, when I saw Jurassic Park at the cinemas it blew my tiny little mind! I think it was the summer holidays before going to high school, before innocence was lost forever...I still sometimes walk around the house like a T-Rex, cos I've got a two year old daughter, yeah, that's why.

Alternatively: I also wanted to be Godzilla!

2. A Ghostbuster

What kid didn't pretend to be a Ghostbuster in the 80's-90's!? Wearing their backpack with a water pistol attached. Actually, thinking about it, I kinda remember owning an actual Ghostbusters plasma Gun.

Alternatively: I also wanted to be in the A-Team

1. A Jedi

As a kid there was nothing cooler to me than a Jedi! I'm finding it hard to think of something cooler even now! Anything can be a lightsaber with a little imagination.

We've all been there;

In reality my real dream (one that was slightly more achievable anyway) was to be a comic book artist or cartoonist. When you was a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Leave a comment to let me know. Fantasy or Reality!

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Kids in 80's Films...

In the 80's kids could do anything, but the films still had heart!

Scenario #1. So, you've moved to a new place with your mum again, started a new school and you're getting bullied by a gang of Karate experts? Oh man!

80's FILM: That's cool Daniel Larusso! No sweat. Your elderly Japanese neighbour will kick all their asses! And teach you the ancient and deadly art of Karate, just by getting you to clean his house and cars and other crap! You'll get the girl and win a national tournament (after minimal formal training!). Yay!

If the Film Was Made Today: The kids a male model, he's got a six pack and good hair. Girls today couldn't give a flying monkey shit if the lead guys the underdog or whatever. This kid gets intensive training with a MMA champion and works the hell out (he doesn't do karate, but no one will notice or care). He's already buff and tough, but he works out even more cos the other guy is a bit harder and said something nasty about his mum. Music by Black Eyed Peas.

Reality: Kid gets knacked up (beaten). They move again.

Scenario #2 You're in the school basketball team and you suck! But, don't worry you're actually a Werewolf! F'yeah!

80's Film:
Keep it a secret right? No way Scott Howard! Just transform during the game and kick the other teams ass! No one will question a werewolf playing basketball. Despite looking like a mini wookie you will get all the girls, get your own tshirts, buy kegs of beer and surf on cars! You're totally rad!

If The Film Was Made Today: You're a little bit awkward and you're a loner, but in a way that's still sexy to the teen girls watching. And you're 'mysterious'. You look like a male model, with a six pack and good hair, even when you transform into a Wolfman! You're a sexy wolf, your eyes go a different colour and you get a bit disheveled. You might get sideburns and some designer stubble, but that's it. You suddenly have confidence, you beat up the jocks and get the girl. You never use your wolfman powers to win at basketball though! Your eternal curse is a secret that no one can ever know...Music by generic emo band.

Reality: You get bricks thrown at your face and people call you a freak!

Scenario #3: You and your misfit gang of friends find a treasure map in the attic!

80's Movie:
Adventure time! You all get on your BMXs and go after that treasure, you end up in an 'Indiana Jones' type situation, trying to avoid booby traps with criminals on your tail. A deformed, friendly giant that the fat kid befriended saves the day! Hurray!


...okay, all the kids are male models with six packs and good hair. Even the fat one. They're also MMA fighters. Or some such shit...

Kids sack it off and watch TV.

I <3 80's!